Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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