Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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