ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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