im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
