Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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