He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he puts the penis in happiness.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
