I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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