yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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