you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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