I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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