forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
