Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
