life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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