i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
