Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
