Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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