I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
