moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
