I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
