Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
