my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
