I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize