i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
