i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
