At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
that is very illegal...i love you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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