I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh god it's open bar.
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