she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
