420 ftw
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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