So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How external is "for external use only"?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
