i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
