____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
