im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
