I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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