everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
