you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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