Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
