Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
dude. I can hear the air.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
