I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she looked like the before picture.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
