There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
