There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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