sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
