My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
