youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I love you. Go after that dick
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
