I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
