Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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