Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
