I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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