How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
