I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
