I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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