my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish i was in the wii world.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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