Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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