Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
