You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize