Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
