Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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