Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
