I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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