Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
