And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
