i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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