This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
