I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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