The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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