I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
