My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
