Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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