i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
