I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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