i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
