Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
