If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
