Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
