I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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