I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
