If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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