You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I supernannyed him into submission
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
