theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
