and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I touched a dick in church today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
