i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
