my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
