and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
God, I missed his penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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