hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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