I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize