There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
