Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
