Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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