i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
