At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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