Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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