When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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