it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The Olympian is in my bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
