...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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