y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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