There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
