Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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