a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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