my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
