Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
