Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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