i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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