Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
