Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
