My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
