i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize