Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
