Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
