he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
