My room smells like vodka and shame
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
