she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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