Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
