I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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