he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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