Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize