chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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